- Posted by Gilleen Witkowski
- On March 31, 2018
- 0 Comments
- AI, April Fools, blockchain, drones, fintech, gig economy, humour, Rover, tech, Uber
For release 01/04/2018
(While others focus on the pet care gig economy, we have invented a service based on the “gigawatt” economy.)
Introducing: Drone My Dog Toronto.
Using the latest in blockchain and AI-powered drone technology, we will take your dog walks to new heights.
How does this work?
For the last 4 months, our expert dog walking staff have been training diligently in our state-of-the-art Flying Ariel Remote Control Environment (FARCE). Coming soon, you will be able to use our popular online booking system to book “elevated” walking services for your dog.
(Please note: for your dog’s safety, at this time we are only able to service downtown residences with helipads.)
What about picking up dog poop?
We were unable to engineer a system that could simultaneously both stoop and scoop, so we opted to license specialized laser technology from NASA – the same used on the Curiosity rover currently exploring Mars. Using our powerful laser technology, we can simply “eliminate” your dog’s waste.
Won’t this start fires?
Our technology is compliant with the City of Toronto’s “Downtown Organization Group” (DOG) “Planning, Order, and Operations Policy” (POOP).
Working closely with DOGPOOP, we have determined the risk of widespread destruction to fall well within City standards.
What if the drones become self-aware?
Our drones love their job! We have trained them using positive reinforcement methods, providing fresh batteries each time they safely complete a dog walk. We have also trained the drones on several commands including “land” and “beep,” praising them with a joyful: “who’s a good toy?!”
Between combining DOGPOOP and FARCE, we are confident you’ll love this new dog-walking option.
How do I sign up?
We are already aware of your interest and our drones are on their way…
If this is all too much for you, our (down-to-earth) human staff would be more than happy to continue to service you.